It was pretty hot outside, but never the less I needed to go out to face the scorching heat since I had to attend class. I never liked attending classes, mainly cause they bore me. But I had made a resolution that I'll attend every class and I planned to stick to it so I moved my lazy ass out of bed and marched out of the house. It was hotter than I expected. Just my luck, No transportation to class .So I just had to walk the whole way. Finally I reached. I reached early and too my surprise, I saw my ex in the same class staring at me as I walked towards class. She finally gives me an awkward wave. I just acknowledged it and dropped it right there. But then she calls me over, It was kinda felt weird at first but I went anyway. I was making polite conversation, just for the sake of being polite. God knows what I said and before I could figure any of it out. I was back in my seat wondering what the fuck just happened. Did I rally talk to my ex or was I dreaming ? I was confused cause I remember someone waking me up a while after, but I let that be for the time being. Soon afterward, the class was filled with weird little fucks and I didn't like it. But what could I do at the time, so I just was just there on my arse listening to these guys gossiping like a bunch of bitches. It was annoying at first, still is but I was surprised at the fact that they were really enjoying gossiping. It was getting seriously annoying, so I moved a seat or two behind. It was much better, I had some peace to myself. So finally, the surd walks with all his pride and begins. He had started off with the basics and soon it got boring so I lost focus of what he was teaching and started looking around. The guy next to me acted all like as if he was paying attention and shit but the truth was, he was texting the whole time, he couldn't care less.so eventually after fooling around a bit I decided to check out the girls in this fine class. Nothing extraordinary, nothing I hadn't seen before. It was kinda disappointing cause the class was getting a little boring, the retard next to me couldn't stop texting and the seats were uncomfortable. Regardless of all this I struck my eyes on this girl,she looked quite gorgeous although I could see her face cause of the various turds blocking my view. For some strange reason I had a feeling that I had seen her before, maybe she used to study in my previous classes but I couldn't remember. Any how I realized that I wasted quite a lot of time fooling around so I decided to spent rest of the class trying to understand what the hell happened in the past two hours. Soon after, the class ends, the surd trying to look cool while drinking his damn tea and as soon as I'm about to leave and I see towards this girl who I knew, so that girl looked back and saw me looking at her so I smiled, gave her the nod. I played it cool. But the twisted thing that happened which was kinda fucking with my mind and was a little weird, freaky was that when I made eye contact with her, the strangest thing happened. I skipped a heart beat and I was like, what the fuck ? What in hell was all that about. All I could do is think about why it happened, I couldn't make my move or do anything about it cause it seemed like a gamble to do anything at the time and to be honest, I didn't wanna go down that road just to find a dead end.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Dad: My Idol
Hi Dad,
Maybe I'm writing or telling you this a bit late, but as you always taught me better late than never. When I was young, you use to carry the weight of my responsibility on your shoulders. You took upon yourself the guardian's job. To protect me from any harm and you did always. I could always count on you being there for me even when no one else would. The times when I caused you pain and disappointment, you still believed in me. You never lost faith and I was glad that you didn't. That always gave that path to the light even when everything else seemed dull and dark. But time has passed us by and we both have gotten older and with these changing times, the nature of our relationship also changed. I witnessed a glimpse of this change last year year when college was about to start. You didn't lecture me, neither gave me advice, nor was it an statement or order that had to be followed, but it was more of a leap of faith when you said to me, Its your life, you're responsible for all the decisions so make the right one and no matter what, I'l always be there to support you. And you have dad, no matter what decisions I might have taken at the time, you have always been there to for support, being that helping hand that I needed and I guess I never really thanked you for that and I don't really think I can. I don't know how to express my gratitude for a lifetime of guidance you have continued to give me. I know you don't like to discuss or talk much about feelings and emotions but this is one I fail to express because I grew up. I struggle to associate myself with the kid me. Its hard for me to be that kid and not seek your protection. So this is me thanking you. This is also me apologizing because I know that I'm difficult at times and I argue with you. It is not because I want to defy you, but its mostly trying to understand why you say the things you say. I've started thinking more rationally, so I do tend to question. I'll try to tone it down because I don't like you see you upset.
So in short Thanks dad, I'm sorry if I let you down along the way. The only thing I try and do is to try and make you proud.
It all changed suddenly. My dad who I used to have my constant disagreements with suddenly became my idol.
It all started with the day of the parent-teacher meeting and I was scared. This is what I called doomsday since my exams went pathetic. In fact, the whole of the 11th grade was a waste.Still not the point, As I was saying the day of the report card. I'm sitting in my class when all of sudden its my turn to meet the teacher. She gives me the look (I never liked them, they had trouble written all over it), and I prepare myself for the worse. 62. Enough said and I look towards dad and I see disapointment. I'll be honest here and say that it felt horrible, maybe even worse than murder at that moment.
But not a word, he just walked away. I was speechless. Nothing to say, nothing at all.
I saw my friends, saw their faces. It was the first time that all of them had the same look but none the less I went over. Just standing there and talking to them made this whole day a little more sad then I had expected.
To deal with our pathetic selfs, we went to C.P to try and relax. So we're in C.P, we were kind off getting over the result where all of a sudden my dad calls and tell me to get my ass over to khan market. He said, "HE HAD TO TALK TO US." I was like, what the fuck, here is where the road ends.
Soon after, we're at Khan Chacha's in Khan Market. My dad was already there and he had ordered rolls for all 4 of us. At first, it was all very casual. But that didn't last for long, it all changed when he pass the remark that he was Disappointed and from there on till the end, it was a like being constantly hit by waves while surfing. It was brutal and the worst part was that it wasn't a lecture, but instead he give us the solid hardcore truth about where are lives were headed with our performances and that got us like scared to death. I was shaken. It was a wake up call. Now you would be wondering how any of this is relevant, but it is, since that day I got to know various things about him that I didn't know and it was quite surprising and astonishing. I was like amazed. Things changed after that, he became like superman all of a sudden and I liked it. This is when I realized that I have a my dad is one hell of a guy and I'm proud to have a dad like him.
Maybe I'm writing or telling you this a bit late, but as you always taught me better late than never. When I was young, you use to carry the weight of my responsibility on your shoulders. You took upon yourself the guardian's job. To protect me from any harm and you did always. I could always count on you being there for me even when no one else would. The times when I caused you pain and disappointment, you still believed in me. You never lost faith and I was glad that you didn't. That always gave that path to the light even when everything else seemed dull and dark. But time has passed us by and we both have gotten older and with these changing times, the nature of our relationship also changed. I witnessed a glimpse of this change last year year when college was about to start. You didn't lecture me, neither gave me advice, nor was it an statement or order that had to be followed, but it was more of a leap of faith when you said to me, Its your life, you're responsible for all the decisions so make the right one and no matter what, I'l always be there to support you. And you have dad, no matter what decisions I might have taken at the time, you have always been there to for support, being that helping hand that I needed and I guess I never really thanked you for that and I don't really think I can. I don't know how to express my gratitude for a lifetime of guidance you have continued to give me. I know you don't like to discuss or talk much about feelings and emotions but this is one I fail to express because I grew up. I struggle to associate myself with the kid me. Its hard for me to be that kid and not seek your protection. So this is me thanking you. This is also me apologizing because I know that I'm difficult at times and I argue with you. It is not because I want to defy you, but its mostly trying to understand why you say the things you say. I've started thinking more rationally, so I do tend to question. I'll try to tone it down because I don't like you see you upset.
So in short Thanks dad, I'm sorry if I let you down along the way. The only thing I try and do is to try and make you proud.
P.S- Something I wrote this back in the 11th grade, it kinda moved me. I was in a phase where I use to write about stuff that made me questions things. Sorry for the language, wrote it as I felt.
It all changed suddenly. My dad who I used to have my constant disagreements with suddenly became my idol.
It all started with the day of the parent-teacher meeting and I was scared. This is what I called doomsday since my exams went pathetic. In fact, the whole of the 11th grade was a waste.Still not the point, As I was saying the day of the report card. I'm sitting in my class when all of sudden its my turn to meet the teacher. She gives me the look (I never liked them, they had trouble written all over it), and I prepare myself for the worse. 62. Enough said and I look towards dad and I see disapointment. I'll be honest here and say that it felt horrible, maybe even worse than murder at that moment.
But not a word, he just walked away. I was speechless. Nothing to say, nothing at all.
I saw my friends, saw their faces. It was the first time that all of them had the same look but none the less I went over. Just standing there and talking to them made this whole day a little more sad then I had expected.
To deal with our pathetic selfs, we went to C.P to try and relax. So we're in C.P, we were kind off getting over the result where all of a sudden my dad calls and tell me to get my ass over to khan market. He said, "HE HAD TO TALK TO US." I was like, what the fuck, here is where the road ends.
Soon after, we're at Khan Chacha's in Khan Market. My dad was already there and he had ordered rolls for all 4 of us. At first, it was all very casual. But that didn't last for long, it all changed when he pass the remark that he was Disappointed and from there on till the end, it was a like being constantly hit by waves while surfing. It was brutal and the worst part was that it wasn't a lecture, but instead he give us the solid hardcore truth about where are lives were headed with our performances and that got us like scared to death. I was shaken. It was a wake up call. Now you would be wondering how any of this is relevant, but it is, since that day I got to know various things about him that I didn't know and it was quite surprising and astonishing. I was like amazed. Things changed after that, he became like superman all of a sudden and I liked it. This is when I realized that I have a my dad is one hell of a guy and I'm proud to have a dad like him.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
...Women.. Sigh..
It was just one of those days where things didn't go the way you want them too, usually on those days I go buy a pack of cigarettes, sit in the park and reminisce and that's what I had in mind. So am on route to the vendor that has his stack right in front of the park. I reach. We exchange a few words and I ask him for the usual, and this women comes by and asks for a pack which was a $1 more expensive, but it looked the same to me, so out of curiosity I ask her, "whats so special about that pack ?" She replies, "These are the healthy ones." So my next question being, "how are cigarettes in any way healthy ?" She says, "They're organic, doesn't burn that fast so you wind up smoking less." It was too hard to believe so I bet her $20 that she was wrong, and once again, it did not go my way. I lost that bet, but in return I had a quite a pleasant conversation with a stranger as we walked down our separate ways.
I got back to my shack, threw my coat and crashed on the sofa with my laptop. I start surfing, checking my mails, you know, the usual. Well, perhaps I might have left out some key piece of information, that I'm a writer and am more like a one hit wonder, whose novel got chosen for this super crazy shit, f**ked up movie. But I didn't complain about it too much because it gets me the dough, and lots of it. But money doesn't get you everything, it doesn't get me a fucking A in English, when I happen to be a, well what I would like to call a novelist, also there ain't enough money in the world to avoid summer school, as my dumb ass maths teacher phrases it. The worst part of it is, that my book wasn't even remotely read by anyone in this school. My readership mainly consisted of South Asians who think I'm a 23 year old, successful novelist who also happens to be a Investment banker or so states my blog but who the hell knows. I'm in my final year of high school, I got a 2350 on my S.A.T's but I still have no fucking future since I am flunking at least two subjects that I guess I have taken up, been arrested twice in the same year and this writing thing is like an on-and-off thing types. But all I can think of is this girl/ lady/ women whatever you wanna call her. Now, what I failed to understand over the years are basically two things, firstly women and secondly, the control women have over men. I have found no solution to the first query but to the second one I have a very simple but effective theory, men like attractive women, any feature of a women's anatomy could be attractive to a man and the only thing a women has to do is strip down butt naked and have sex with the guy, and you have him. No matter who the guy is, it could be the President of the United States or George Clooney or any other random mother f**cker, it just doesn't matter. When a man see a naked women or even tries to picture one in his mind, it just screws with the way a man thinks. There is like this chemical imbalance which makes us incapable of thought and our race(MEN) would say anything to make that possible, and so with my future on the line, and probably a few other important things. I choose to think about a strange women that has infactuated me with some spell rather than focus on college and other important things. This brings me to my first question, which I fail to answer again."Whats up with women ?"
Monday, January 10, 2011
The Confused State Of Mind
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