Love In vein

I saw a girl and fell in love or at least I thought I was, and after 2 years:

Hey,

This letter that you’re about to read is all that I should have said to you a long time back but could not, this letter is all that I wanted to say to you but never had the courage to say it so I wrote it down, read it carefully, this really means a lot to me. I know we don’t know each other well, but to be honest, the first time I saw you, I felt something that I can’t explain as there are no words to explain such emotions. One look at you and I knew that I would eventually fall in love with you. I know that this is something that you hear in fairy tales and all but it is true because I did. After you had added me on facebook, I was really excited that I would get to talk to you and know more about you and seemed to be a dream to me since you were, and still are my dream girl. Eventually we did talk, and I got to know you a bit. But the feelings I was having were just confusing to me at the time and being an idiot, I had just been giving you hints to the fact that I liked you. I didn’t mean to rush into things but I didn’t know what else to do, since I never had such strong feelings anyone before, I didn’t know how to control them. After I made a confession that you were already aware of, it felt good to tell you but I didn’t realize that I was being a bit too hasty and I should have expected and prepared for the worst. It had occurred to me that I was being just stupid to expect something else. To be honest, I was crushed. I had never experienced pain like I did then, it was brutal, which just made me realize how much you meant to me and that there was a good chance that you might now talk to me again since a guy you don’t talk to so often, totally out of the blue asked you out. But you being so sweet, you did. It took me a very long time to get over you but the truth is that even after three relationships, there is still a part of me that wants to be with you even if it means as a friend. But the problem is that I don’t know what to do about it. I’m usually good with making new friends but when I tried to talk to you. I would freeze, to be more honest, I wouldn’t know what to say. Whenever I tried to talk to you, for any reason, there were these two things that always happened, one is that my heart started beating a whole lot faster and I would stammer. I don’t know why those things happened with you and no one else but it did. I remember the day I asked you out and what you told me about relationships, that they only cause pain and you hurt someone close to you, all the fights you get into and you didn’t want any of that. Since I knew that you’re very against relationships and that we weren’t even talking much which just make me even more confused about what I should do. But to be honest, I do like you a lot maybe I’m falling for you all over again but I can’t control myself not too, it’s like a war between the heart and my mind and I can’t fight it any longer and to be honest who won’t fall for a girl who is so sweet, kind and most incredibly beautiful, I know it’s very crazy to be saying this but for me you are all of these things and much more, you truly are special to me and I think you should know that. I know that we don’t talk on a day to day basis but I would really like to know you. When I see you in class, everything else goes dark and it’s just you that I can see, and as strange as it sounds, the feelings that came along with it were also very weird and new to me. I know, that you think relationships cause trouble and it’s better to stay away from them. But with you, just the idea of being with you makes me feel like nothing else matters, makes me feel truly special. It’s like I can do anything if you are there with me. My feelings for you are real and it’s not infatuation as you once told me. I don’t expect anything from you, just a chance to know you if you would like that. I have been writing this for a long time trying to come up with the perfect letter to give to you but as long as I told you how I felt, the letter is as close to perfection at least I think it is. I just hope you would like to know me as I would like to know you. Just let me know what you decide.

Only left with memories

I am amazed at how this past month just flew by leaving just memories, which weren't the most pleasant I must say . It had all started few months back when I started talking to this girl in my class, the few conversation we used to have weren't as enjoyable as they were now. It seems so amazing how little she meant to me before this .It just took me less than a week before I realized that I liked her and as expected since am terrible at controlling my feelings, I blurted it out. Those three words, " I like you." was one of the many stupid things I had said that day, even though I didn't get the response I hoped to get, it still worked out at the end and I had begun the journey of  the best/worst 3 months of my life !

The three months with her were pretty amazing, if u ask me. But since every relationship has to have a twist. This one had had three. But still I went through with it, it wasn't the easiest. It was like walking on a mine field, but I guess it was worth the effort . The hardest part was to accept was that she still liked her ex (as far as I know) and one of her friends she talked to was in LOVE with her. But that still wasn't the end of this. I soon became the target for revenge. One thing I learnt from this was that when your ex (who hates you, cause you liked someone else, which I know is pretty harsh) and the guy who loves your girlfriend team up, you're going to face hell. It's the start of a war that is going to hurt you in ways, you can't even imagine. I would have preferred to get shot or get locked up, rather than face this. But little did I know then, I faced it and for a month ! 

It wasn't the easy, but at the end of the day when I talked to her, everything seemed worthwhile. it didn't matter what I had to go through as long as I get to be with her. It was beautiful. But what I didn't know was that, I was being portrayed as the bad guy and guess who were behind this ?  The same ex-lover duo, and to my surprise she actually bought all that . Not that am saying that I haven't done things that I regret now, but still such stuff to be said was totally uncalled for. Soon enough I lost my patience and snapped, and before I know what I had said and done. I lost the girl, lost many friends while with the girl and ended up with losing quite a lot of people close to me. I  learnt that day, Anger is just a bad hangover with no enjoyment before the hangover starts. 

Now that girl that was the friend ,the girlfriend is gone. Maybe am considered as a bad guy now, and who knows what else goes wrong. But at the end of the day, I realized that somewhere this had to happen. I might have not had the best relationship, but I had a friend which now I know is gone or may come back, who knows. I just know one thing and that is I will be waiting for that friend to come back.